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Friday, May 14, 2010

John Key's cannibalism joke gives international press indigestion

Key's 'cannibalism joke' picked up by global media
International media are having a ball with Prime Minister John Key's Tuhoe "cannibalism joke" and his subsequent "passive-aggressive" apology.

Oh. My. God, he's made the International press headlines with his hilarious thigh-slapping- country-club-good-'ole-boy jokes. When it comes to race relations comedy, John Key is like a white Chris Rock minus the humor, intelligence, grace, appreciation of historical injustice and dress sense.

How did he manage to turn a Tourism event into a multi-million dollar global advert for cannibalism? How did he do that? And then to have the audacity to do his blank faced "I'm being self deprecating" - someone please check his meds.

There isn't a fine line between self deprecating and self destroying, but somehow Key has managed to find it. I wonder what David Letterman's next top ten will be...

Top 10 cannibalism jokes for Prime Minister of NZ, John Key:

10: "I like Roast foot because it tastes delicious in my mouth"
9: "I'm going to apply for Masterchef NZ and wow them with my native stew with real native"
8: "I'm not the Prime Minister of NZ, I'm the clown mascot of a new chain of burger outlets called McMaori's"
7: "Now NZers know how sheep feel"
6: "Dave I'd like to have you and your wife for dinner"
5: "Hone is safe, he's too bitter"
4: "Yum, yum in my tum tum"
3: "We can use those massive open pit mines to put Gerry Brownlee in the ground for a hangi if you let me have the Coromandel"
2: "For 50 cents more I come with extra fries and bottomless soda"
1: "I'm inviting Pita Sharples over for some liver and fava beans with a nice chianti"


At 14/5/10 12:29 pm, Anonymous AAMC said...

Good to see our Minister of Tourism so adept at selling us to the world. We really do look like a bunch of amateur hicks don't we!

At 14/5/10 12:43 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i like it bomber... nice couple of posts on the latest gaffe by this knob jockey we have running the country. the international pick up on this 'joke' should be one of lead stories on 3News and One News tonight.

At 14/5/10 3:06 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd love to know what some of the "old school" Nats: Doug Graeme, Don McKinnon et al think of the clown. All that shit about what a struggle loif was living in hardship in Chch-the self-made-man-made-good kind of crap!.
Charismatic? (Sad thing is Joe Kiwi fell for it all-JUST as they've done with Paula Bennett and others. And there's a mainstream media that goes along with it al! I note none of NZ's "mainstroim" have sought comment from people that once worked with this self-made-master-of-the-universe in a previous loif (i.e. those that could actually understand the guy through his mumble).
Fucking Clown is the best description I've heard so far from 2 Gordons (Campbell and McGler...) I reckon they've near enuff copped an understanding...i.e. Key Wants/NEEDS to be loiked. My take on the clown is that he's as they say...a 'self-made-man that isn't exactly "unintelligent", neither is he exactly the Brains of Britain. Learn me parrot fashion will ya! Jis gimme the bull-it points! 1+1=2; 2+2=4; if we put up intrist rates then this will happen... unless this...occurs; Oim in tuch with the pulse of the people; oim not racist cos some of my best frenz are Mary; BrakObumma en change! that's the way to go! Let's embrace change people! Let's Go wih her!. Martin Marrietta or some other Projeck Menijmint thing oi did reckons I sahudda been a change agent! Fuck! it's all so bloody predicatable.
John ain't exactly the Brains of Britain in the crtical thought department, but rest assured, his success in rolling the dice with his band of spin doctors propping up this krismatuck-evridge-bloke ummage is gunna make sure he's a Lejin!!! Who cares if it turns out to be only in his own mind further dearn the trak. I'm not sure if friends and I are especially smart (I think NOT], but for us...the whole opera since the last election result has played out like a fucking season of Shortland Street with equal predictability.
The coalescing with Hitler' Hoid to the Right, and Mary's to the Left means one extreme had to take a hit-surprise, surprise if it ain't them dumb Mary's.
For fuck's sake NZ! Why is it so hard to look a little deeper into that Key, Brownleee Hyde, Bennett, [every last one of them]'s agenda. What's worse is PITA SHARPLES really should be considering a name change to BLUNTLES.
Jenwin? my fucking ass!...they're still too busy learning their already failed ideology - polly wanna. What polly wanna really needs is a kick up it's .. but "Change...change you can believe in"? Someone, please tell me when I should start believing.

At 14/5/10 3:07 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Christ Almighty! then you've got that wonder boy Paul Quinn, (sorry Paul if I droppped an E - is it Quinn or Quinne). But driving round Mt Vic. in his black SUV that he has no idea of its dimensions - [such that crossing a centre line here or there; inadvertantly exceeding a speed limit; and talking on a cell phone whilst in charge is a regular event - so is an elbow out the window]. Here he is proclaiming criminals should not have a vote (They broke the rules and Paul judges them and declares - tuff shit bruthas - you got caught, and if and when I ever do I'm sure I can rely on you for your support)
Paul knows he actually owns the road he's traversing and the rest of ya should jis geta out of the way (Don't YOu KNOW who I am??? You buggars need to have your roits pegged back a bit, AND have a little respeck!. I'm ALLOWED TO break the rules - you cnuts are'nt. When you get a balck SUV, the maybe, maybe you'll get a chance.
All this Quinn shit really is just a desperate attempt at a claim to continued (and dying) fame? Come ON people! If Quinn(e)'s motives were genuine, and not just an attempt to ensure his star still shines in amongst a load of others, he'd stop driving around Mt Vic with one hand on his cock and the other on the cellphone. I regard the pratt an "offender". He probabaly doesn;t even ralise just how close he came to wiping out a little Mt Cook School tot the other day. Hypocracy at its height! Ego at its height! Morals at their lowest. but..... "I'm PAUL QUINN" - don'tyou remember me? You STUPID person!
I sure as hell know who is the greater danger to society - a crim locked up (in say Crawford or wherever the hell they call it these days), or a Quinn driving black SUV the driver who has one hand on his cock and the other on his cell phone. I should have looked a little closer (i.e. regularly look, since we're almost neighbours) really - I'm putting money on the SUV being a BMW or something similar.
There's some "change" for you.
Why hasn't Dunk, or Guyon (TVNZ's wonder boy GeeeON de Bord) or some other freak they keep in a closet somewhere been given the opportunity to delve more deeply.
I mean to say! FFS!. What caused Quinn's little NCG House, TPK sponsored operation to be shut down do ignominiously earlier this century.
Change people! - change you can believe in. It's all beert ken-a-bill-T; Trenz-peer-rinsey; in good guv-ninse.
Christ what a joke! - but a pretty sick one really, but one that an electorate took on when hey elected a bunch of self-serving clowns in charge of the structural heierarchy of masters - aided and abetted by any number of prostitutes looking for an earn. FFS, think!(mining, supercity, ChcCh water, interconnection fees, bank charges, duopolistic supermartket pricing, small producers going to the wall, students wishing to study [afterbelieving all that shit about the value of a printed certificate, R&D [* look below].
Still......... all that's OK because I know Jonky and his struggling mum with her outside shithouse and other signals of normailty for a "working class" Chch BoiseHoi - set apart frim a Croists Collij bunch of toffs iz jenwin; and Paula and her whanau were doing it really, really, really tuff. I know they're jenwin cos in those days Pulla could hardly afford a leopard skin covering (till me komidayshin or food,lourwinse cum thru).
Pass the pita and salt, this Two-Oi chook lacks seasoning and those Mary Party mixed veges taste like shit.

At 15/5/10 11:55 am, Anonymous honest kiwi said...

Whats the difference between a pizza and john key

post your answers below

At 15/5/10 1:04 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A pizza doesn't have enough money to have clown's like you killed?

At 16/5/10 6:11 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe John Key was alluding to the practices of the continent his ancestors came from.

Up until quite recent historical times European widely practiced 'medicinal cannibalism.'


Powdered egyptian mummies (mummy powder) was also widely used in Europe:


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