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Sunday, December 16, 2012

The Hobbit movie NZ review - what most foreigners don't appreciate



What most foreigners don't appreciate about The Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings trilogy is that they aren't fantasy movies. They are real life documentaries set in modern day New Zealand.

The greatest hoax ever perpetrated on the movie going audiences of the planet is that Weta Workshop is some magical cinematic monster making factory akin to a Dungeons & Dragons Willy Wonka. It's a lie. Peter Jackson jumps on the back of a ute and waves a camera around and just films real life as it happens with no special effects required.

Hobbits are from Wellington, An Elf comes from Auckland, Dwarves are anyone living in the South Island and the Orcs are Australians on vacation.

100% Middle Earth isn't a tourism slogan, it's a literal rendering of the facts for tourism insurance purposes.

The Hobbit and the killing of Smaug the dragon all happened last year and you'd know this if Fox News wasn't constantly suppressing the fact that Mordor has fallen to Aragon years ago. Apparently Sauron is a major share holder in 20th Century Fox, and news of the destruction of the ring in Mt Doom would hurt his stock price.

The worst thing about the Nazgul are their smell. It's awful if they sit next to you on the bus.

So the Hobbit opens with nonunionized dwarven miners being roasted to death by a corporate dragon who has no issue with exploitation. This leads to worker resentment and a scheme to retake their capital investment with an independent contract arrangement that ropes Bilbo Baggins into it.

Like every stoner Hobbit who thinks the grass is greener in West Australia, Bilbo joins the collective agreement and they all set off with a gay pot smoking Wizard from Parliamentary services.

Trolls, bunny rabbit powered sleds and giant spiders pretty much spells out a normal Tuesday afternoon for most New Zealanders but here Peter Jackson manages to take the everyday and make it last so very much longer.

Friends are tested, adventures had and protagonists find themselves challenged and overcoming of trials and tribulations.

I think there were 2 stone giants too many for my liking.

3 and a half stars

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5 Comments:

At 16/12/12 8:29 pm, Blogger Nitrium said...

I too have seen The Hobbit. IMO it is the work of an ego gone wild. It's slow and plodding: where it should exhilarate, it bores, and everywhere else it puts you to sleep. PJ's hubris apparently knows no bounds. We can only hope the the inevitable "Extended Edition" on DVD will be an hour SHORTER than the theatrical cut.
I find myself wondering if the great irony of a group of dwarves and a solitary hobbit trying to recover their stolen gold is lost on the film's viewers?

 
At 17/12/12 6:40 am, OpenID dtmmr.com said...

It's just a shame that it's going to take a whole other year for the next film to come out when the third film is only going to come out several months after the second one. But regardless, I still look forward to it. Good review Bomber.

 
At 17/12/12 8:24 am, Blogger countryboy said...

Before our Government get's all erect and sweaty about flash stuff like red carpet promenading they must ask themselves how our most vulnerable are doing .

No so good Jonky-Stien is the answer .

Climb down off our money Jonky , zip up your pants and see what you're doing to us before you take your ego on holiday to the worlds greatest lie factories in LA .

While you're at it go into Paula Bennetts office and kick her up the arse for every hungry bennie this Christmas . You can easily find her arse . It's that mountain of gristle that obscures the sun .

It must be a securing observation for our Masters to see that the Premier of the Hobbit wasn't halted by riots and fire bombings . After all , it's a film that's synonymous with lies , treachery , greed , ego and outright theft of public funds for private profits . To say nothing of further eroding workers rights and pay .

An entire population of well educated and informed people have been reduced to automatons ;

Automaton |ôˈtämətən; -ˌtän|
noun ( pl. -ta |-tə| or -tons )
a moving mechanical device made in imitation of a human being.
• a machine that performs a function according to a predetermined set of coded instructions, esp. one capable of a range of programmed responses to different circumstances.
• used in similes and comparisons to refer to a person who seems to act in a mechanical or unemotional way : she went about her preparations like an automaton

I reckon they've put something in our water !

 
At 17/12/12 11:30 am, Blogger Nitrium said...

I reckon they've put something in our water !

Maybe that's what's "wrong" with me. I get my water from a 100m deep bore!

 
At 24/12/12 12:19 am, Blogger Frank said...

@ Nitrium: " IMO it is the work of an ego gone wild."

Indeed.

And when Actor's Equity dared beg Peter Jackson for more (conditions), he smite them with his awful power of Master Manipulation...

His Ego would brook no rebellion amongst his Hobbitish minions.

If I may indulge... http://fmacskasy.wordpress.com/2012/11/28/peter-jacksons-precious/

 

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