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Friday, September 07, 2012

If 'The Block' had been run by NZs political parties

I love renovation porn about as much as I like food porn, in that I don't. Life is simply too short to watch shit TV, and this stuff really is the mindless. I wonder if cold Christchurchians watch 'The Block' with the same envy hungry children in South Auckland watch Master Chef.

It seems the message from 'The Block' is that some will work for nothing while others cream it, it's labour inequality as entertainment. Hilarious stuff.

What would have happened if different political parties had been running 'The Block'?

NATIONAL:Would have privatized 49% of the houses on the block and set up an 0800 number staffed by 2 Iranians in a call center in Dubai to deal with state tenant complaints about homelessness.

LABOUR: Would have penalized any contestant who was a beneficiary from painting the roofs. David Shearer would have arrived to give an inspirational speech and would have ended up being mistaken for a contractor. It would turn out that he had been working unquestioningly for 5 weeks on set before being challenged on who he was.

GREENS: Solar panelled wind farms with organic gardens and eco friendly insulation would have set the reserve at a billion dollars per house. Russel Norman will later describe this as an economic success story.

NZ FIRST: Would have made sure there were no asians living in any of the houses and then demanded old NZers get a subsidy to ensure they cut the throats of the first time home buyer once again. Gold plated public transport will be paid for by rates on all those under the age of 65.

MAORI PARTY: Would have done whatever John Key told them to do while negotiating that Iwi get to provide the door handles. On closer inspection of the wording, the Maori Party will note John Key has only told them he might look at letting Iwi pitch for providing the door handles.

MANA PARTY: Would have built 20 000 State houses, given them all away free and declared a new national holiday for Solo Mums.

ACT: Would have privatized every house and sold each contestant into slavery if the reserve isn't met. The free market will be feed every 30 seconds with a Bunnings helpful hint and the speculative property bubble will be slavishly worshipped with Banks sponsoring separate houses while offering greater leveraged debt on demand to viewers. When the market comes off the rails and pops, all concerned will demand bail outs from the Government.

UNITED: No one would have turned up if United was running The Block.

CONSERVATIVE PARTY: Would erect large 'NO FAGS' signs on all the houses while banning the color pink from any interior design.



At 7/9/12 11:12 am, Blogger Nitrium said...

The Act description sounds more like National to me. [cough] South Cantebury Finance, private prisons, charter schools [cough]. And make no mistake, the 49% privatisation is just a jumping off point. Once English has burned through the money raised on financial blackholes like hospitals and healthcare generally (not to mention useless irrigation and infrastructure projects), he'll be back begging John for more easy asset sale money.


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