Why Bill English avoids using the word double dip and Cullen's Republican yawn from the political wilderness

Hands up who is sick to death of Finance Minister Bill English explaining how bad the economy is by blaming Labour's 9 years in power?

The argument by Bill goes like this, ‘we have to punish the public sector and force solo mothers, the sick, the mentally unwell and the crippled back to work in a 6.8% unemployment environment because Labour grew the economy on credit and bloated bureaucracy. Really? Nothing to do with the neoliberal policies National espouse crashing the global economy causing a double dip recession? Bill English refuses to look at that because he doesn’t want the word association to double dip after his housing allowance double dip. Everytime a Journalist mentions double dip, Bill English immediately goes on the defensive, blocks his ears and says “I know you are you said you are but what am I”.

Brothers and Sisters, Labour paid the government debt down and managed to lower the unemployment rate to one of its lowest points in modern political history, if the country had adopted National’s freemarket policies over the last 9 years, the economy would have lost half of it’s GDP after the man barely left of Genghis Khan, Don Brash, had privatized the South Island to Japanese Golfing interests.

Where Bill English gets off blaming his Government’s lack of economic policy on Labour’s 9 years of solid economic stewardship is anyone’s guess so imagine my excitement when the great Economic mind of Michael Cullen announced he was going to make a speech this week about, wait for it brothers and sisters, Republicanism?


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I’m sorry, what? The economy is going to hell in a handbasket with the meltdown of capitalism around the corner and Michael Cullen is going to talk about what? Republicanism?


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Brothers and sisters, don’t get me wrong, I’m no monarchist, I think the Royal family are parasites who are merely an extension of the British tourism board, but even I can see that when the Queen dies and the throne inevitably skips Charles and passes to the wildly popular Prince William, you know that poor little kiddie who had his mummy killed in that awful car crash, attempting to cut off the Monarchy then will be about as popular as Heather Roy in Rodney Hides bed.

What planet is Labour living on, the first major speech by Cullen as the economy implodes is the bloody yawn fest boring pointy headed Republicanism?


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Mr Cullen, I can’t get a job in this 6.8% unemployment environment – don’t worry son, I’m building a republic.

Mr Cullen, I can’t afford to feed my children – don’t worry citizen, I’m building a republic.

Mr Cullen, I’m being torn to pieces by a pack of wild wolves and forced into an arranged marriage with a tortoise – don’t worry lad, I’m building a republic.

Tell you what, I’ll personally kidnap two members of the Royal family if you just give us one 10minute speech on the economy, is that a deal? Brothers and sisters, if the answer is republicanism, the question you’ve asked was ‘what possible topic can make anyone fall asleep and not get me laid’.