Gerry Brownlee’s magical mining money machine becomes Paula Bennett's bash the bennie bludger calculator

It’s bash the dirty filthy bennie time brothers and sisters! No one needs the bash like dirty filthy solo mothers, we love to bash the bennie in this country almost as much as we love domestic violence and driving drunk.

Each Monday morning at the National Party Cabinet briefing, John Key likes to end the meeting with a beneficiary shaped piñata, where cabinet ministers are handed 'Paula batons' to bash the dirty, filthy, bennie piñata. Whoever cracks its head open first gets morning tea for free.

National have decided to recycle Gerry Brownlee’s magical mining money machine (which allowed the Government to pretend there was infinity plus one billion trillion dollars in minerals under dem dere conservation lands), into Paula Bennett's Bash the bennie bludger calculator.

The Welfare Razor gang Paula has put together includes former president of ACT, Catherine Isaac (who also happens to be married to Business Roundtable grand Cyclops Roger Kerr who on the same day as his wife was meeting for the welfare razor gang was printing opinion pieces in the Dom Post explaining that unemployed people chose to be unemployed), also on the Welfare razor gang are Adrian Roberts and Enid Pryor who are current corporate welfare contractors to the Government, and researcher Peter Saunders, who believes intelligence is attached to wealth and who in his down time writes Islamaphobic fiction novels.

Using Paula Bennett's Bash the bennie bludger calculator, this welfare razor gang have come out declaring that those dirty filthy bludgers are going to cost NZ $50 billion dollars. Really? How did they get to the $50 billion dollar figure? Well, despite the overwhelming majority of beneficiaries only staying on welfare for a year, the Welfare Razor gang have ignored those facts to claim that if all the current beneficiaries stayed on welfare for their entire lives, it would cost $50 billion, but we know only a small percentage of current beneficiaries have stayed on the benefit for longer than a decade, which is why the Welfare Razor gang needed Paula Bennetts Bash the bennie bludger calculator, because what National are really doing here whanau is ‘manufacturing a crises'.

You should be familiar with the term ‘manufacturing a crises' because it’s what National have done with ACC to justify turning down 90% of sexual assault victims from getting counseling.

Let’s just all save some time and energy and list what the welfare razor gang will come up shall we…

Bludgers will be rorting the system

Bludgers will be causing cancer

Bludgers may be attracting aliens

The problem isn't solo mothers on welfare, the problem is 6.8% unemployment caused by greedy merchant bankers who purposely crashed the global economy!