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Friday, February 20, 2009

Chimp eats woman out while other woman watches - lots of screaming

Had he just seen Face/Off before he went on his spree?

Yes, what could have possibly set off a seemingly completely normal chimpanzee living a normal suburban life in Connecticut with its completely normal owner? At 2:29 the emergency call-taker asks the woman what the monkey is up to - hysterical at this point, she says: "He's eating her". ...riggghhht. A 200lb pet chimp has "ripped her apart" and is now feasting upon her. At 2:52 she says that stabbing the chimp just made him worse.

So, was it the suppressed craving for human flesh - or was that a reaction to the stabbing? Was it being made to wear nappies in public for years? Was it 'roid rage of a pharmaceutical nature? Was it that a 200lb chimp had been kept as a pet, FFS, by these mad Americans? Watching TV, doing some commercials, hangin' out, ya-know, whatever, living your typical chimp lifestyle. I actually stopped listening to the clip shortly thereafter in case it went something like:

He's scooped out her brains... come with guns, Jesus!... [screaming]
911- Try to be calm madam, what's he doing now?
[screaming]He's looking at the TV guide, OK he's turning to the porn channel, Oh God! [screaming]. He's gone to the kitchen... send police with guns, shoot to kill!... He's plugging in the blender... Jesus!... God!... he's putting her brains in... he's got a bottle of vodka out the freezer. God! send guns [screaming]
911- What's happening? [screaming] Stay calm, describe what's happening - what's he doing, madam - what's he doing exactly?
OK, he's measuring out... three parts vodka, to... two parts brains, he's looking for something... [screaming] - tabasco sauce?, [chimp screaming] Top cupboard! Top cupboard! [screaming]
911- this is a "pet" chimpanzee?
[screaming] Jesus! Send men with guns!
911- what's he do...
He's poured it into a martini glass and now he's in his laz-y-boy and he's got a fucking straw and he's watching the porn channel!
911- Oh, so he is domesticated.

I would credit a human trapped in a chimp world, being forced to wear nappies and treated as a pet with the intelligence to make a rational call that feasting on chimp flesh would be a fine prelude to dying in a hail of chimp bullets - just like you'd seen on all of those chimp tv shows you've been watching - as a way out... I dare say it was all a natural reaction to living in America. The chimp was following all too many examples of human behaviour.


At 20/2/09 4:55 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

....being forced to wear nappies and treated as a pet with the intelligence to make a rational call that feasting on chimp flesh would be a fine prelude to dying in a hail of chimp bullets....

Pfff! Sounds pretty banal to me.

At 21/2/09 3:00 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are one retarded motherfucker. Chimps are extremely territorially and are known to attack intruders. They're not the laid-back, tree-swinger ape you probably grew up
masturbating to. They also hunt smaller monkeys and literally rip them apart before eating them. So before you make your retarded-as-fuck
remarks about this chimp being so-called out of his habitat, why don't you actually google the word "chimpanzee" and read a page about them, fuckface. Because of course, the chimpanzee probably went mad cause this 70 yr. old woman probably raped him every night. Use your brain you stupid motherfucker. You European douchebags like to make condescending remarks, but your tight assholes are the reason all the shits' gone up to your brain.

At 21/2/09 3:45 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

WOW. Talk about vitriolic.

Do they not have sarcasm and irony on plant freak out?

Take a deep breath and a chill pill and then reread the post with your sense of humor set to "Enabled"


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