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Friday, February 20, 2009

Chimp eats woman out while other woman watches - lots of screaming

O
o
.
Had he just seen Face/Off before he went on his spree?

Yes, what could have possibly set off a seemingly completely normal chimpanzee living a normal suburban life in Connecticut with its completely normal owner? At 2:29 the emergency call-taker asks the woman what the monkey is up to - hysterical at this point, she says: "He's eating her". ...riggghhht. A 200lb pet chimp has "ripped her apart" and is now feasting upon her. At 2:52 she says that stabbing the chimp just made him worse.

So, was it the suppressed craving for human flesh - or was that a reaction to the stabbing? Was it being made to wear nappies in public for years? Was it 'roid rage of a pharmaceutical nature? Was it that a 200lb chimp had been kept as a pet, FFS, by these mad Americans? Watching TV, doing some commercials, hangin' out, ya-know, whatever, living your typical chimp lifestyle. I actually stopped listening to the clip shortly thereafter in case it went something like:

He's scooped out her brains... come with guns, Jesus!... [screaming]
911- Try to be calm madam, what's he doing now?
[screaming]He's looking at the TV guide, OK he's turning to the porn channel, Oh God! [screaming]. He's gone to the kitchen... send police with guns, shoot to kill!... He's plugging in the blender... Jesus!... God!... he's putting her brains in... he's got a bottle of vodka out the freezer. God! send guns [screaming]
911- What's happening? [screaming] Stay calm, describe what's happening - what's he doing, madam - what's he doing exactly?
OK, he's measuring out... three parts vodka, to... two parts brains, he's looking for something... [screaming] - tabasco sauce?, [chimp screaming] Top cupboard! Top cupboard! [screaming]
911- this is a "pet" chimpanzee?
[screaming] Jesus! Send men with guns!
911- what's he do...
He's poured it into a martini glass and now he's in his laz-y-boy and he's got a fucking straw and he's watching the porn channel!
911- Oh, so he is domesticated.


I would credit a human trapped in a chimp world, being forced to wear nappies and treated as a pet with the intelligence to make a rational call that feasting on chimp flesh would be a fine prelude to dying in a hail of chimp bullets - just like you'd seen on all of those chimp tv shows you've been watching - as a way out... I dare say it was all a natural reaction to living in America. The chimp was following all too many examples of human behaviour.

2 Comments:

At 20/2/09 4:55 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

....being forced to wear nappies and treated as a pet with the intelligence to make a rational call that feasting on chimp flesh would be a fine prelude to dying in a hail of chimp bullets....

Pfff! Sounds pretty banal to me.

 
At 21/2/09 3:45 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

WOW. Talk about vitriolic.

Do they not have sarcasm and irony on plant freak out?

Take a deep breath and a chill pill and then reread the post with your sense of humor set to "Enabled"

 

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