mid week funny - ouch

This email is currently doing the rounds - v funny

> > Brad,
> >
> > It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I
> > feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying
> > that I am truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of
> > all the people in the whole entire world, you were honestly the
> > last person that I would ever want to wrong in any way. There is
> > no excuse at all or anything that happened, so I won't even try
> > other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a
> > stupid thing. I can handle you being p1ssed at me, I absolutely
> > deserve it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged
> > between us, what I can't handle is thinking that you see me as a
> > different person. It is weird, The world looked funny yesterday, I
> > couldn't crack a smile if you paid me, there are songs I can't
> > listen to, and I just feel beyond crushed. I don't know if you
> > meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn't.
> > I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that
> > this is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally
> > crazy and stupid, I can't imagine my days without you. It is
> > totally strange and weird to say that, and you could say that my
> > behavior didn't reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate
> > feeling like you hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your
> > friends think I am a terrible person, because I am not. I know
> > there is nothing I can say or do to take back what happened.
> > I am so sorry.
> >
> > Elizabeth
> > RESPONSE:
> >
> > Dear Elizabeth,
> >
> > Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under "L"
> > for "Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care
> > less about".
> >
> > You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and
> > forgetting to carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red
> > sock with a load of whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy
> > in a bathroom for 45minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if
> > you're taking so long because you ate too much bran that morning
> > isn't as much a "Stupid thing" as it is grounds for permanent
> > removal from my social calendar.
> >
> > To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went
> > and degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2
> > hour span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I
> > didn't F**k him" somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if
> > I couldn't care less if the world "looked funny" to you yesterday.
> > Since your world revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers,
> > Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been most
> > unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings
> > for 24 hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends
> > don't think you're a terrible person, they just think you're the
> > average run of the mill cum-guzzling blond who commands about as
> > much respect as your average child porn collector.
> >
> > By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin
> > class you really must be doing something wrong to sport the
> > thunder thighs you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a
> > thong was a little like watching sea lions mate. Thought you might
> > like to know.
> >
> > PS. I forwarded about 100 people on this email.
> >
> > Talk to you never,
> >
> > Brad