The General Parliamentary Debate (updated live)

Will some member please take notice of miscellaneous business:

Pete Hodgson Lab: It has been one year since John Key took over as leader
Interrupted by massive and sustained applause by National! Cullen intervenes to demand his time be reset. On mentioning this again more applause from National. What a great start. Then follows a dozen points of order, each more pedantic than the last. So the Chairman starts it again.
Pete Hodgson: A man all hat and no horse... Bill English said of Mr Key... "Flittered and bounced from cloud to cloud" He's wearing some sort of ribbon on his lapel - must be for combating male baldness or something. Yelling a lot, very confident considering his star is waning (after cabinet reshuffle).

Lockwood Smith Nat: They said the other day... he was "discombobulated"... 87% go to Aussie Most people leaving for Aussie in 25 years. Inevitably it's all about tax. Tax, tax. Controlling us... Helen knows best... can't tell us what to say in election year... it's corruption

Chris Carter Lab: Calls Bill English Mr 20% - oh dear they'll never let him live that down, but I think the Nats have forgiven him. Says Key sat through a racist meeting in Hobsonville about State housing. I want to talk about the big Gay out... he didn't have the guts... about the civil union bill. He came to the Ghandi Centre... mispronounced the Governor-General's name three times... said he liked their restaurants. And this from a guy who went up to Waitangi and stood on a flag and then dredged up old emnities of the tribes he was speaking to!!! This guy's unbelievable. Now that was a faux pas - not what he described happen with John Key.

Tim Grosser Nat: Odd sort of clipped English speech, very precise - reflects his trade negotiation background I suppose. The politics of redistribution starts talking about the ancient migration of the Austronesian people, a history lesson, but very little impact. Poor performance really - not on point.

Doug Woollerton NZF: Oh what a grey, grey man. A nasally, uptight voice. What an automatic turn-off. What was he saying again?... whatever.

Clayton Cosgrove Lab: He must have shaved that bit in between his eyebrows because he's looking a lot less like a Romanian coal miner that he used to. God, he even sounds like Mike Moore - same voice, speech everything. What was he talking about?

Jill Pettis and her paint-stripping shrillness intervenes to point out Gerry Brownlee said something naughty - said Labour are liars. The speaker says chill out.

Lindsay Tisch Nat: What an old party hack this man is. Another awful, uptight voice. Classic accent too and he even says "gummint". What a time-server, a real party man. He has energy - but it's all about business surveys and tax etc. very boring subject matter. I'm not going to go through them all - thank God!

Moana Mackey Lab: She's very chipper, like she might be promoted or something? She's another party hack, her Mum was an MP. Steve Chadwick next to her chiming in on cue with various hand signals and supporting statements.

John Carter Nat: That last speech... was a load of dribble. Oh that mostache. It's been movember for Hone for years now - one endless movember of looking like Groucho Marx. And he's wearing his parliamentary rugby team blazer - like Shane Jones does (is it a Northland thing?) - as if he's in the bloody All Blacks or something. What a dreamer. He likes pointing. If you turn the sound down it's like he's conducting an orchestra (albeit Yeltsin-style). He just got in a jab about "socialists".

Shane Jones Lab: Speak of the Devil. And yes he's got his blaser on too. Lots of shouting, lots of posturing. Typical Jones bluster. He is the definition of bluster all that National Party bitching. He gets pulled up on that but the Speaker isn't offended. Accuses Exclusive Brethren of ripping down Labour posters.

Sue Bradford Grn: Youth workers esp. circular deliverers working as independent contractors - wages as low as $1.67 an hour. They have no protection... keeps adult wages down? Good points here, pity there's almost no-one in the chamber whatsoever.

Eric Roy Nat: Now this guy's an old timer. THe issues that threatens the fabric of democracy... is the Election Finance Bill Well he's on message. Very grey - a sort of intelligent version of Bob Clarkson by the looks of it.