Tumeke Awards 2006
Tumeke Awards 2006
What a year ladies and gentlemen, the media suddenly woke up to Climate Change and everyone became an environmentalist the second it was pointed out to them that they might become poorer, TVNZ became an example of how to lose viewers while mytube showed how a generation with the attention span of a 30second commercial will digest fast food media in the future. McDonalds sang about personal responsibility while brainwashing your children behind your backs, smear tactic personal politics reached new lows while the ‘liberal’ media went to asleep, taking their stories ideas from Ian Wishart. Iraq became the abortion we always knew it was and Bush continued to prove the damage that drinking during pregnancy can cause, while Israel took their special brand of homicidal self defense and exported it to Lebanon, killing any pretense of good will Israel ever created in the world while destabilizing the entire region. The media were assassinated in Russia’s new gangster Democracy while the UN stood by as a cuckolded sissy husband as the planet’s corporate harlots fucked over weaker nations around the world. At home electioneering spending technicalities were sold as corruption when proof of actual corruption was written off as a conspiracy by Nicky Hager and attacking the Government’s decision to steal land from Maori suddenly became Sedition. It was the year of the blog, Ahmadinejad started one, and this humble blog became the subject of Parliamentary questions when National Party Sensible Sentencing Thug, Simon Powers, tried to shut this site down.
2006 became the year of fear and ignorance.
The Homicidal Self Defense Award
The Lebanon war was a bullshit farce. Israel had gotten the green light from America months before to use any provocation by Hizbollah as an excuse to invade Southern Lebanon and settle some old scores. America green lighted it because in some Neo-con wet dream, the plan to bomb Iran still lies smoldering, and for that to be successful, Hizbollah (the arm of retribution that would be most used as a response to a sudden bombing of Iran) had to be broken. Of course Israel didn’t beat Hizbollah and only ended up making it more popular on top of destroying and killing many civilians. What was more horrifying than watching such a disproportionate massacre was listening to so many Israeli apologists attempting to defend all this death for the kidnapping of two Israeli soldiers (forgetting the 9000 Palestinian and Lebanese men arrested, many for nothing more than being Muslim). Special mention has to be given to Mike McRoberts who did an amazing job of reporting the Lebanon war (was the TVNZ reporter just reading IDF press releases?).
The Gift that just keeps on giving
Special mention to the cluster bombs the Israeli’s dropped all over civilian areas hours before they knew they were pulling out anyway. A million bomblets litter Southern Lebanon now and NZ troops are there having to wipe up after Israel. Thank Israel, thank you so much for putting our troops in risk to clean up your illegal targeting if civilian areas.
’It had NOTHING to do with THAT book’ Award
Don Brash, hard right politician who had all his dirty Machiavellian plans revealed in Nicky Hager’s book left politics NOT because of that book, oh no not at all. It had nothing to do with the lies he used, it had nothing to do with knowing that when they did their ‘Maaaaaaaaasaaaaaaaari get too much’ bullshit (a line many of our right wing bloggers still get stiff over) they knew they had no actual examples to use of ‘Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaari getting too much’ – oh no it had nothing to do with the book Don. Incidentally, Nicky’s book wins the most ‘I haven’t read the book but’ awards I’ve ever heard in my life. Even bloggers here are willing to give us their opinion on how wrong Nicky Hager is when they haven’t even read the book, amazing people – to have an opinion on something before they had even read it. Amazing.
Fucking incredible even.
Are we winning yet?
The White House showed us how far removed they were from reality this year with continued claims of Iraq ready to become a Freedom Democracy (Trademark pending). 655 000 Iraqis are dead (we aren’t too sure how many have actually died, we don’t bother counting the people we kill), torture is worse now than under Saddam, security is worse than when it was under Saddam, even electricity generation and water supply are worse now than under Saddam. The amazing thing is that as the entire thing collapses into sectarian blood letting (just like we predicted it would), America is trying to say it is all the responsibility of the Iraqi’s – um who invaded who? And even after a bipartisan report suggested pulling out, Bush is keener than ever to send more American troops into fight.
‘It’s a democracy when I say it is punk’ Award
Anyone else spot the irony with America fighting for ‘Freedom Democracy’ (trademark pending) in Iraq yet scolds the Palestinian people for electing Hamas. Isn’t it interesting that it’s only a ‘Democracy’ when America says it’s a ‘Democracy’ – forget who the people elected, they don’t know what’s best for them, so America will punish you for your choice. What is it that an Israeli official said after Hamas was elected, “We will put the Palestinian people on a diet”, yes well seeing as large numbers of children in Palestine are already malnourished that won’t help now will it? Much of the stirring between Hamas and Fatah has been fuelled by the powers who most benefit from internal civil strife, divide and conquer seems to be becoming the method of choice for Occupiers the planet over this year
The ‘Boycott Beijing Olympics’ Award
When you are an up and coming superpower trying to attain the respect and influence you have always dreamed of by using totalitarian brutality, you tend to want to paint a very different story to the world. China wants to use the Beijing Olympics the very same way Hitler used the Berlin Olympics, for propaganda purposes, in an attempt to gloss over the Human rights abuses that occur daily in China. So if you want China to change, boycott the thing they want most – global audience ratings, and there were so many good reasons to boycott the Beijing Olympics this year, it’s really hard to pick one. Watching Chinese troops in cold blood shoot dead Tibetan’s in a mountain pass was a great contender. Harvesting the body organs from executed prisoners, all of whom ‘confessed’ under torture to their crimes with no appeal process at all was perhaps the most ghoulish example of China’s lax attitude towards the concept of the individual but it would have to be it’s relationship with Sudan that must take the Award. As Sudan’s largest economic partner, China is the only country who can put pressure on the Government to halt its genocidal cleansing of Darfur. Last year my prediction was that China would expand deep into Africa for resource deals with any regime no matter their human rights record, and that China would expand into the Pacific as well (I’m still interested to see if China has had any influence in the Fiji coup). My prediction for China this year is that they will suffer some horrific environmental collapse that will effectively act like an economic stroke, blunting any subtlety in their diplomacy and replace it with a desperation for resources.
’It isn’t easy being Green’ Award
Every political party in the country suddenly decided that they were environmentalists after the staggering weight of evidence finally shut climate deniers out in the cold with only holocaust deniers and flat earthers to hang with. Even Peter Dunne was having a go at radical ideas, at a time when even National admit that there might be a problem (never mind of course that it was National that led the anti-Fart tax by whipping up ‘Political Correctness gone mad’ bullshit). One would imagine that the Greens would be riding high on such public displays of Green-ness, but right when the Greens were trying to look Diet Lime to attract Remuera Soccer Mums by electing that other guy over Nandor as Co-leader, an ‘inconvenient truth’ informed public are now demanding a more radical answer. If the ageing leadership of the Greens continue to miss-read the public, the Greens could be pole axed by another parties much more dramatic policy shift. The reality is that the environment will only get worse much more rapidly now, and that the evidence for radical change will consistently be bombarding a public who will start realizing things are deeply broken within the environment. With realization of how bad things are, there will be a deep anger, the time for a militant tone against those who are to blame is now.
’Wanker of the Year’ Award
There was one man this year who made jaws drop by his sheer hostility. A man who should be asking for forgiveness on behalf of the environtal damage his agricultural industry has caused to this country was instead delivering blistering attacks on the environmental movement, regardless of what the scientific evidence suggests. Wanker of the Year must go to Federated Farmers' President Charlie Pedersen, here are some of his quotes…
Environmentalism threatens to be the new century’s politics of envy – the politics that seek to reduce the brightest and hardest working, the committed, to the level of the ordinary, the uninspired. I say shame on the people who elevate environmentalism to a religious status, shame on you for your arrogance, shame on all of us for allowing the environmentalists’ war against the human race to begin, and take hold.
…hmmm, yes Charlie, a ‘war against the human race’, yes….have you been hearing voices again Charlie? Of course Charlie said that before the Stern report which in fact went against everything Charlie had to say, and pointed out that the problem is as bad as the environmentalists have suggested. Don’t you love how Charlie ignores the damage that has been caused to the environment by his precious framing industry? Don’t you love how Charlie wouldn’t dare say anything like this now? Don’t you love how these words of his will be used against him every time he tries to counter any political move to force Farmers to pay for their pollution?
‘War Criminal of the year Award’
It was a tough field this year, and only two contenders really stand head and shoulders above the rest of the planets brutal rulers, it was of course Tony Blair and of course George W Bush. How can we count the ways? Reports showing Blair knew evidence used to go to war were wrong, reports showing Bush doesn’t really know where he is most of the time, reports showing that Iraq is lost yet Tony and George seem to think they are winning, – the list goes on and on and on and on and on to the point where we simply don’t listen to them anymore. What a bizarre situation, we all can see their foreign policy has failed and is in fact causing them to be targeted, (the reason America was attacked in the first place on 9/11), yet the Emperors refuse to accept what we all see.
Back in the USSR award
Just as the West was getting used to a broke and desperate Russia, Putin goes and reminds us how the brutality of the USSR never seemed to have left us. With Iraq giving America no room to finger point, Russia was able to commit more atrocities quietly in Chechnya, but it was other symptoms of Russian totalitarianism that gripped the world. Two dead journalists, Anna Politkovskaya shot dead outside her Moscow apartment and Alexander Litvinenko who was poisoned with radiation. Both journalists were critics of Russia and both had questioned the role Government special forces in bombing apartments in Moscow that swung public support to invading Chechnya in the late 90s (wow, just like 9/11). Add to this the manner in which Russia dealt with fellow countries who didn’t pay new prices for its gas by cutting off supply, and everyone was left wondering if Russia was going backwards. With a radiation trail that could be traced all the way to the Kremlin, the flexing of Russian muscle may have inadvertently started the bases of a new freeze between Russia and the West, reliance on Russian energy for Europe won’t make many Europeans feel warm next winter.
The Exclusive Brethren Cult Test Award
For the National Party, the Exclusive Brethren became that prostitute you see on a regular bases, but don’t ever want to meet in public. For a religious group who don’t vote and reject technology, they certainly see no problem trying to convince you of who to vote for and secretly fund such messages through anonymous pamphlets. It had us asking at Tumeke if we needed a special test to keep cult groups out of politics.
Are you a cultist? (in a NZ context)
You wear a religious garment on more than one occasion per week. (If you wear a small item of religious jewellery more than once a week you could still be an atheist/agnostic.)
You attend or participate in a religious ritual more than once a week.
You deny your children any opportunity or possibility of opting out of the cult.
You will not marry someone other than a cult member.
You accept that your cult beliefs are exclusively correct and/or are timelessly correct.
You accept the instructions of cult leaders.
Tahi "yes" - you're a bit religious.
Rua "yes" - you're a bit of a fundy.
Toru "yes" - you are a fundy.
Wha "yes" - you're a cultist.
Rima "yes" - you're a fundy cultist.
Ono "yes" - you're a nut-bar fundy cultist.
Our immigration should keep out anyone with two or more "yes" answers. The chances of anyone answering four "yes" and integrating adequately into NZ society is almost zero if there are any language barriers. At five "yes" CYFS should be checking on the kids.
Big Brother Award
The expansion of even more personal information that is required from us to keep us ‘safe’ from terrorisim by our Governments was a theme repeated globally this year and public space was made a lot more public, in London a person will pass 300 CCTV units every day. In such a spirit of spy on your neighbour, we even had someone from the American Army pay our site a visit this year…
OrgName: Headquarters, USAAISC
Address: NETC-ANC CONUS TNOSC
City: Ft Huachuca
NetRange: 220.127.116.11 - 18.104.22.168
• Blogs were hot in 2006. Ahmedinijad started one, Barbara Streisand has one (she makes Che Guevara look like an ACT party supporter)- and Tim Selwyn went to prison and wrote a prison blog, and Simon Power tried to shut it down (cockhead). On the serious side, Cyber repression reared its ugly head, Amnesty International were forced to launch a campaign aimed at bloggers imprisoned because of what they had to say on-line, China having 50 bloggers in prison, and of course we can’t forget the US secret service who detained a 14 year old American girl at school for questioning because she wrote that she wanted to kill George Bush on her MySpace page.
• Veils were hot in 2006, who would have imagined Christendom would fall over because of a tiny piece of cloth. Muslim women were told what they should and shouldn’t wear while maintaining that you can do what you like in a Democracy (except wear a veil). My hat goes off to the Muslim woman who won the 200 meters at the Asian games wearing a veil.
• Nicky Hager – the man finally got a begrudging respect from mainstream journalists, but I heard so many “I didn’t read the book but”, comments from punters it was infuriating. Nicky just couldn’t win with some people though, first he was a conspiracy theorist, then it was what he had was taken out of context, and now the latest story is that the emails are stolen – ANYTHING other than look at what is being said in the emails.
• Dei Henwood on C4 – the funniest person ever - ‘Insert video here’ makes watching C4 worthwhile.
• B&B on Maori TV (doing more for race relations than anything else in 2006)
• Anzac Day on Maori TV – Judy & Wena were amazing, finally a National day worth remembering.
• How tough the South Island was, when Auckland didn’t have power for half a day in June, and the South Island was chin deep in snow
• Harmeet Sooden and Olaf Wiig returning home was hot.
• Finlay McDonalds column in the Sunday Star Times – continually the best columnist in the country.
• Harvy Birdman, Attorney at law – it only took C4 12 months to get it.
• Brooke Fraiser, for her new album Albertine, for her being on the cover of the latest copy of the very gay express magazine apologizing for homophobic Christians, she reminded us how wonderful Christians can actually be.
• Whoever is programming TVNZ - a documentary isn’t a Freek of the week
• Politics – started when Judith called Benson Pope a pervert followed by claims of corruption, what a dirty, dirty place the right wing dragged politics into this year.
• You shouldn’t judge a man by the colour of his neck, but have our radio talkback hosts necks gotten redder this year? Is it just me, is it too much ultraviolet rays, too much uncooked red meat?
• The Pacific – Solomons, Tonga, Fiji – the untold West Papu and Aceh, East Timor – and increasingly bad news regarding AIDs in the Pacific, it’s nice to see we are helping our Pacific friends do so well.
• Cartoons – whether it was C4 playing Virgin Mary cartoons, or Muhammad cartoons – we don’t have a sense of humour when it comes to religion any more, which is sad, because if anything needs more laughing at it, then its religion.
• Scientific Whaling – yeah right
• Rayad Mohammed Addullah Ali – renditioned out of the country on a guilt through association connection with one of the Sept 11 hijackers. Rayad Mohammed Addullah Ali is still being held in a Saudi Arabian prison somewhere, the Saudi Arabians have a long track record of torture.
• Tame Iti’s flag on trade me. Sure that could sell it for $700 million, but they are still double standard garden variety bigots. Tame Iti wasn’t allowed to sell his gun shot splattered flag on-line because it offended Trade Me, but Ross Meurant, the dirty filthy pig who beat NZ citizens protesting against racism, was allowed to sell his pig baton on line. Gun shot flag that was used to protest the past crimes of a racist crown NOT allowed to be sold on-line, Police baton used by a right pig of a man used to beat people protesting against apartheid – no problems at all.
• Tasers – even after being told that it couldn’t ever hurt anyone, Police admit they were actually told that it could hurt 1 in 800, this follows the Police covering up mishaps by the Police in using Tasers in trial period as well. And the cops wonder why we don’t trust them and they are having recruitment problems.
• Philp Fields – the idea that a NZ politician could use his position of influence for personal gain is the most repugnant idea to a NZer, Philip will be paying a hefty price in the community for this well after he is finally kicked out of Parliament.
• NZ Idol – YAWN (PS Tony Holden – I was right!)
• Climate Change deniers
• Corporate adverts – McDonalds and Telecom. Was it just me or were corporate adverts worse this year? Has it not occurred to McDonalds that if you are being forced to run adverts on TV telling us all how you’re not the liars you’ve been painted out to be, then you’ve actually lost the battle. And the Telecom adverts only proved how much NZ hates Telecom, they were forced to film the raw emotion of a PI family surprise reunion for the first time in 10 years, (to the expensive backing track of a Beatles song), while sneaking in the Telecom logo quickly and quietly at the end in the hope that the happiness afterglow of a family reunion would wash over and remain with us as we saw Telecom’s logo. I’m afraid that it does not, die Telecom, die an awful painful death.
The best thing and worst thing to come out of 2006
Best – An inconvenient truth - Global warming is finally mainstream, no one can pretend now that they weren’t told.
Worst – Human Rights, from the 655 000 dead in Iraq, to the thousands of prisoners executed each year in China who have their organs removed and sold on the black market, from the thousand killed in Lebanon and those who continue to die from cluster bombs to journalists who are killed trying to expose the truth, be they in Putins KGB gangster Russia, or in Somalia from CIA backed anti Islamic war lords. From the genocidal butchery in Darfur to the continued brutal occupation in Palestine, from repressive laws curtailing civil liberties and increasing Police Powers to the thousands being secretly tortured and to all the conflicts of the world who weren’t important enough to make the headlines, Afghanistan, Chechnya, Aceh, West Papua, Congo, India, Horn of Africa, Mexico – the list just go on and on, 2006 has been a very bad year for Human Rights
My Prediction for 2007
In 2007, America and Israel may bomb Iran’s nuclear facilities. The most numbing bit of Seymour Hersh’s article on the pre-planning of the War in Lebanon was that America green lighted it only because it kept the possibility of a strike against Iran on the table. Add to that Bush’s desire to increase the overall size of the military AND increase the number of troops in Iraq by anywhere from 30 000- 50 000 AND America now has two aircraft carrier battle fleets off the coast of Iran (the second one was sent last week). Bush is building up troop numbers in the region, and where ever Bush builds up troop numbers, he uses them.