Top 10 highlights in a week of war
10: Condi Rice says she is not going to the region to call for a cease fire – um help me out here, what the hell are you doing love? I don’t want to rain on your parade, but seeing as Israel is kinda like, your bitch, shouldn’t you perhaps nudge them a little to stop?
9: Calling the war crimes being committed in Lebanon as ‘Birth pangs’ of a new Lebanon. Oh we laughed so hard at that one, the people of Lebanon will be over the moon with joy that you are helping to ‘birth’ their new country. Of course the dead ones won’t be so happy.
8: The Israeli spin machine has been able to convince most media outlets to refer to the invasion of Lebanon as an ‘incursion’, it sounds a hell of a lot less aggressive. On that point, they have also convinced American media to not call Palestine, ‘occupied territory’, only 4% of American news now call Palestine ‘occupied territory’.
7: The British have finally condemned the attacks in Lebanon, but why should anyone listen to the British? Remind me again, didn’t you illegally invade Iraq on a false pretext with America? Shut up Britain, you don’t have any moral high ground here.
6: Israel describes their attacks as ‘precision strikes’ with ‘smart bombs’– except for all those dumb bombs which accidentally blew up all those woman and children. Their strikes are about as precise as that naval shell they lobbed at that Palestinian family who were picnicking on the beach last month.
5: America is rushing precision missiles to Israel, so maybe their aim will improve as much as it has for the Americans in Iraq – what’s the body count there now?
4: Are the bets on that Syria and Iran are now next on the countries we have to invade for democracy?
3: Why don’t we ever invade countries that need democracy but have no oil?
2: Wouldn’t trading those two kidnapped soldiers for any of the Palestinian or Lebanese held prisoners (many of whom have just been arrested for no reason whatsoever, other than being Palestinian or Lebanese) actually be better than the death and destruction that has been wrought now?
1: I love how George Bush is now selling this war to America as part of a wider war on Terrorism, hold on, I thought this was about the return of two kidnapped soldiers, now it’s a wider front on the ‘war of terrorism’? God bless America.