Happy Hour

Parliament is a laugh. Question time, that is. It even sounds like a gameshow: "Question Time" with your host, the gnome on the throne, Margaret Wilson.

There is no way in the entire world that someone with the wits of George Bush could ever be the Prime Minister of our country. They would be eaten alive. Devoured by fellow half wits perhaps, but nontheless eaten alive.

The PM just used the example of the leaked (by Phil Goff wasn't it?) "gone by lunchtime" comment of Brash's to criticise Brash for saying he was leaking documents on the Doone affair. Is that what I just heard?! - along with her deep. shuddering laughs at her own non-sequiter, own-goal jokes. They make a pathetic pair. The only way she can account for her popularity is the loathing the public has for him - and vice versa.

Margaret Wilson and her rising infexion Koi-wi ux-unt is priceless. She sounds surprised whenever she makes a ruling.

Kenneth Wang is struggling through the English language like he was being force fed dead rats: Schpeekerr, Schpeekerr... da quer-shon, Schpeekerr.

Winston reads out the entire, excruciating list of accusations against an Iraqi who is apparently having his 13 family members transferred here. It's all so specific - all the PM can say is people will always get through the cracks in any system. Still doesn't really explain why he seems to know more than hundreds of her officials. Nevermind - everyone hates Winston- they probably won't pay any attention to the follow-up if he is actually right.

"I'd love to hear" - Brash dares the PM to repeat her sarcastic comment. He's finally starting to display signs that he is finding his feet in parliament - it's only taken the old man two and a half years. And he said it in that creepy way that Tony Ryall says it - only without the homosexuality. Yeah, Brash could be a sort of straight Tony Ryall type of parliamentarian - style-wise I mean.

Ma dam, ma dam, spee kah: Rodney. Has he been hanging out with Banks so long that each syllable now warrants it's own word?

Prebs playing the elder statesman role - no wonder he's getting out.

John Carter, Hone Carter.... Hone. Laying into the Speaker for not pulling Mallard up on some derogatory comment... "Hone?" taking offence at someone making an insulting remark! It is officially unparliamentary to utter what they refer to as "the H word" - Hypocrisy.

And the crazy thing is they are immune from prosecution from anything they say in there. The people least deserving and capable of practising free speech have appropriated that privilege for only themselves - a sad irony.

Ha, ha... ahhh that was great. An audible, I mean a loud, long, deliberately audible sigh, from the speaker in a pause by Rodney in his umpteenth point of order.... "some parliament!" Rodney mutters as he sits down (having been twice made to withdraw comments inside the point of order itself).

Oh yes, everyone in radio-land can hear it too. Great.

And a special debate on the 111 police emergency system. Poor old, slurring George Hawkins, sounding like he may have another stroke at any moment...

...Just waiting for a sharp scream and a silence - followed by howls of abuse from the National bench to "answer the bloody question, liar!" as he clasps his chest and rolls around the ground. The last thing he would hear would be playground taunts from the Tories and the last thing he saw would be Helen Clark drawing her finger across her throat in a slicing motion with one hand, phone already in the other, managing the spin.