PRISON BLOG 35

WITH EXPERIENCE COMES WISDOM

After TVNZ’s veteran news anchor was cut loose by the piratical Bill Ralston I thought he could go on to keep hosting those fascinating documentaries on animals; animal feeding habits, animal homes, animal parasites, animal defecation etc. Sadly the only time I’ve seen Richard Long on television (or anywhere else for that matter) is when he’s endorsing a finance company through a series of abstract references about the nature of investing and abstract stories about family out buildings.

The advertisements for Hanover Finance are ubiquitous; and conspicuous by their absence is any mention at all as to what on Earth this company actually finances. In order of importance according to the time and prominence in its ads and commercial is Richard Long, abstract references linking history to trust, the interest rate offered, the name of the company, a TVANZ award, and the telephone number. But what are deposits financing?

Richard Long says:
”Investing is all about reliability and trust, making a choice you can rely on year after year.” Well that’s splendid, Richard, but since even the large ads in print have absolutely no information whatsoever about this firm’s reliability – who they are or what they do.

How strange for a company at pains to stress history that it provides no hint as to how long it has existed, no hint as to what it’s track record is and no other endorsement apart from Mr. Long – and note too that he doesn’t even directly endorse it as such – it’s always in the abstract. (You know – just incase it all goes wrong.) Mr. Long voices over stories for the TV ads about some family that built a shed that survived a storm. What we would all like to know (because the shed, the family and the storm are not linked in any way to the company) is why so much time is given to an irrelevant excuse to use nostalgic imagery and not to convincing us to invest by providing… oh, I don’t know… maybe just one piece of information about who we’re supposed to be giving our money to? Indeed the issue of history and dependability is so completely avoided, and that question so desperately begs to be answered, that its failure to do so is alarming.

And what of the 8.55% being offered for 2 years, or perhaps more telling is that is the maximum rate and maturity. Trusting the firm over one year will only yield three-quarters of a percent over the Reserve Bank’s Official Cash Rate. Given inflation is hovering at almost 4% the return would hardly seem enough to justify giving it to an outfit so reluctant to divulge it’s credibility and yet that has enough funds to blitz all media sectors solidly for the last year. Almost as though… oh, I don’t know… the marketing push has to gain enough to pay the people going out the back door. I mean it isn’t an Albanian pyramid scheme or anything is it… is it. I mean it says:
Secured first ranking deposits*
That’s got to be safe, it says it is “secured” and it is “first ranking”, I mean how safe is that? Until you read the *:
*Ranking subject to prior charges (if any). Rates subject to change.
So what they mean by the asterix is “maybe – not really.” And depending on how it’s read so is the interest rate… right. OK. Hmm.

But look – it’s got an award from TVANZ (is that tourism? telecoms?) and it’s for… their call centre. So their call centre is worth boasting about, but not say… oh, I don’t know… their financial credibility. I’m sure the notorious “boiler rooms” of Thailand’s fly-by-night investment sales reps were good at what they do too: selling.

So, to recap: Hanover Finance offers a miserable interest rate (that may change to even less) for your money on a deposit that isn’t secured or first ranking (despite saying it is), whose hugely expensive ad campaign pushes “experience” and “reliability” despite disclaiming absolutely none of that about itself and whose only outside acknowledgement in its ads is for its call centre. I think the bad feng shui of their logo sums it all up: a double link of rings – but broken with a line of void right through it.

The buyer has been made aware.

DON’T FORGET Tim’s Book and magazine collection for the Prison Library, please send your books and magazines to:
Tim Selwyn
Librarian/Unit 7
Hawkes Bay Prison
Private Bag 1600
Napier, NZ

Tim Selwyn (Editor of Tumeke!)
PRN 60477981
Hawkes Bay Prison
Currently appealing sedition conviction

Postscript:

So what did I find in Investigate magazine just after I’d finished laughing at Hanover Finance? An ad of even more strident assertions, but once more in inverse relation to the details disclosed. This one’s called Strategic Finance that hopefully will shed more light on its activities on the web than it does on its ad – and it’s a classic:

It emphasizes “processes” and “ethics” and “transparency” without telling us what it is they invest in or what the return is. At least they are supposedly a member of the “Financial Services Federation” – rather than just a recipient of a call centre award – I mean, at least it sounds vaguely credible.

And talk about your telling slips. Not feng shui disasters like Hanover, but the motto from hell: “Leave nothing to chance”. Now think about the subconscious level here – this is a company wanting you to give them your money, trying to get you to think they are anything other than a dodgy, fly-by-night firm and what words do they use? Leave. Nothing. Chance. And to make it worse they emphasise nothing!

Just like the Labour Party’s notorious election ads of an infant held up by red tape, sometimes these simple things communicate very obvious aspects that appeal to their masters though they are trying to conceal it to their audience. Warning as per above.